hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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