he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
