I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
