So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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