dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
