I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
this boner is exhausting
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Randomize
