I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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