just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
