Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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