Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
