Michael Bay diarrhea
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
The uberlube is also flammable
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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