I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
