I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
