You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
