This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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