I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
