Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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