Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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