I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
