I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
