i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
