I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He shit in the fireplace
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
