2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
