just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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