I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
