my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
