It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
what the fuck happened to the tacos
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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