idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I see more hoeing in ur future
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