I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
