why didn't you poke me back
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
