hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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