You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
