She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
