I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I just found puke in my bra..
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
