Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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