Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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