We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
