she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
