I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
