Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
