Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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