totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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