yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
