He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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