My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
