U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
