I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
