i jhust puked up my retainher.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I'm at about main and main street
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
