Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
