She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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