Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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